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LONELINESS

LONELINESS 

Loneliness is a bit of a weird thing
I feel there’s a difference between being lonely and feeling lonely.  
For Me I’ve really been struggling with loneliness mentally and emotionally, especially in this winter / Christmas season, where everyone is having Christmas parties with their friends or going out and joining in on as many Christmassy festive activities as possible, then publishing it all lover social
Media.  It’s hard to avoid.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with that by way, i think that’s great and they should keep doing it. It can just be a bit hard to see it everyday when all you want to do, is join in and make the most of the festive period as well.
I touched on this slightly in my birthday vlog recently.  And I’m not sure how I’m going to write this post without feeling like I’m going to hurt someone’s feelings.  

This feeling of loneliness (and for me it is a feeling of loneliness rather than actually being lonely) I’ve had for a good couple of years now I’d say.  It’s odd cause I know I’m not lonely I see my boyfriend and my dog (haha) every day and my family are there if I need them.  And I also actually enjoy my own company a lot of the time.  So I’m not to sure why i constantly have these feeling like I’m completely alone and feel overwhelmingly isolated.
Feeling lonely kinda sucks, cause I’m not really sure how to cure it, and I don’t want to go on about how lonely I am when I know I have amazing people in my life, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings.  
I think it’s because the only person I see, talk to, text, phone, hang out with etc is my boyfriend.  Then at this time of year especially you see everyone with their friends and I don’t have that, I don’t have a friend to hang out with or text etc.  I think that’s the feeling of loneliness that has created this hole in my life.  I’m at that stage as well whew I just feel like I’m not going to make me friends or meet new people.  I feel like when you get into your late 20s you already have your friends and your groups and you don’t really meet a new ones. I’m not sure, maybe it’s just me who finds it really hard to make new friends.   Sadly it’s made me almost dead this time of year, I still love it and it’s still my fav season, but last year and this year I’ve also really dreaded it coming around. I wasn’t looking forward to my birthday, or doing any of the Christmassy things and the thought of going out on hogmanay has made me quite sad actually. I’m still determined to enjoy all of these things and make the most out of it in the hopes that one day I want dread any off it anymore.
I don’t know this has just been one big ramble of all the thoughts that float round my head on a daily basis. I know that it all sounds very over dramatic as well, i get that. My goal for 2018 is to get over this.

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